How are those New Year’s resolutions coming along? Still on track for that firm, rock-hard core you’ve always wished for? Have you been blending your green smoothies and sticking to your clean-eating habit? If you’re still conquering those resolutions then good on ‘ya, I’m super proud of your ballsy determination. But don’t beat yourself up if you’ve already skipped a few workout sessions, or if you’ve indulged in delectable chocolate cake at least twice since January 1st (that would be me).
To tell you the truth, most New Year’s resolutions don’t work because there’s way too much pressure involved which causes us to abandon them as quickly as we started. First of all, most resolutions are based on things that society says you should have, be or do. Instead, why not start 2019 by setting good intentions based on your own values and goals? Screw what society says anyway; the status quo is crap. Give yourself some slack and just do your best at reaching those goals. And while you’re at it, why not have a bit of fun?
By fun, I mean dancing naked in the kitchen to your favourite booty shaking tunes. I think that we’ve forgotten how to have fun and to just let it all hang out (literally). At what point in our adulthood did we become so serious and lose our ability to be silly and uninhibited. When did we get so uptight?
Depending on where you live in the world, it might unfortunately be a bit nippy to strip naked in your kitchen. In that case, I encourage you to turn up the heat by cooking up something hot and spicy (enchiladas, perhaps). Not alone? Invite your partner to join you in a spontaneous and carefree dance party à deux. Don’t know what songs to choose? Here are a few suggestions depending on the meal you’re making. Feel free to change it up however you please; there’s no right or wrong way. Turn up the music way high and shake it up or down, depending on how you feel.
Go ahead and wear those high heels if they make you feel sexier. Fix your hair in a high ponytail and rock out to Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach” while singing into a cucumber. I guarantee that Cobb salad will be scrumptious.
Throw some pepperoni on that homemade pizza as you Hammertime across the kitchen floor to ‘U Can’t Touch This’. The dog can happily feast on whatever toppings end up on the floor.
Get groovy to Bob Marley’s “Buffalo Soldier” as you stir the brownie batter. In case you didn’t know, cannabis is now legal in Canada. Why not go crazy and throw some cannabutter in there? Perhaps whip up some comfort food like “maca-stoni and cheese“. Is your mouth watering yet?
I hope that you take this advice to heart and really let loose. Don’t worry about your jelly rolls or bouncing booty. I promise you’ll have a good time and maybe you’ll even want to make it a weekly thing. You’ll soon forget about your so-called failed resolutions and realize we’re only here for a short time so might as well have a bit of fun.
I’d suggest not cooking with hot oil for obvious safety reasons.
Please, for the love of all things sacred (like the family jewels), be careful with the sharp knives.
Unless you’re into exhibitionism, I would also suggest closing the curtains so that the neighbours don’t start a rumour about your unusual cooking habits.
Always practice safe cooking and, like mother always says, turn your pot handles in.
Drawing by @katie_marie_creative